Testimony

Yesterday in sacrament meeting we had fast and testimony meeting. It is our last Fast Sunday in our ward because we are moving in two weeks. I felt inclined to share my testimony and to thank the ward for being so loving and welcoming to Garret and I. When I was up there though I was shocked at how much I struggled to find the words to say.

It has been a long while since I have last said my testimony out loud and it saddened me how much I had to really dig to find things to say. It made me realize that I really need to vocalize my beliefs more often so that I can not only share them but also remind myself of the things I have been taught. 

I was born into The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, but I wasn't born with a testimony of it. My testimony has always been a work in progress and always will be. I have realized over the years that a testimony isn't something you can just hold onto. If you are not moving forward then you are moving back. You can't just stand still. 

Later that evening I was pondering about my testimony with my lovely husband and really analyzing myself. I thought of the time I felt the most constantly spiritual. I wish I could have said this current time, but it wouldn't be correct. The time I felt I was the closest to my Heavenly Father was when I was a senior in high school. I read my scriptures daily and I often spoke in prayer with my Heavenly Father. I attended seminary and went to church activities. I also attended the temple weekly to do baptisms for the dead. I was so in tune with the spirit and was happy.

I am not saying I am not happy now. I also haven't strayed. I am still a firm believer, but I feel I might have taken a step backwards these past few years instead of forwards. 

Garret and I had a long talk about our spirituality both individually as well as a couple. We have set some goals for ourselves now and I really want to set some new habits in my life to help me maintain that spirit I love. We discussed the importance of doing family scripture study as well as family prayer. These are things we both value and really want to have set in stone before our family grows. 

In addition to our testimonies Garret and I also talked about the importance of prayer. This is something I struggle with and I get frustrated with myself. I don't understand why I have such a hard time talking to my Heavenly Father. We talked about how people, us included, often only prayer when we are in times of need. When we lose something, when we are worried, when we are stressed. Why can't we remember to talk to our Heavenly Father in times of joy, and maybe on just a regular day when nothing in particular happens. 

I also thought about my prayers and how I often catch myself repeating the same things every time. It reminded me of something someone once told me, that you shouldn't recite things but rather have a conversation. It is so important to talk to our Heavenly Father, and to really feel like you are talking and conversing with him. He wants to hear about the good, the bad, the boring, the random. He wants to hear about it all. He wants us to ask him for help, and we need to thank him for all we have been blessed with. 

This is definitely one among many things that I need to work on. 

In conclusion I know my Heavenly Father lives. I know that he loves me. I know that he knows who I am personally. I know that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is the true church. I know that Joseph Smith is a prophet. I know that Thomas S Monson is the prophet today and is a mouthpiece for our Heavenly Father. Most of all I know that the Book of Mormon is a true book and is a testament of Jesus Christ. I know that it is a record of the prophets of old and that Joseph Smith translated it with the help of the Holy Ghost. I know that I will see Jesus Christ and my Heavenly Father again someday and I hope I can be in the Celestial Kingdom with them. I know I will see my family again. Most important, I know I am sealed for time and all eternity to the love of my life, Garret Hegland. I know if I am righteous I will be able to be with him forever.